


Are You Gonna Eat That?

by Emantsal1A



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-06
Updated: 2012-04-06
Packaged: 2017-11-03 04:25:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/377207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emantsal1A/pseuds/Emantsal1A
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard, Thane, and a dill pickle... fluffy, sexy goofiness... Thane is green, she thinks a certain part of his anatomy should logically follow suit...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You Gonna Eat That?

Misty Shepard’s eyes closed, and she moaned in absolute ecstasy. It felt so good sliding between her lips. The taste was amazing and it was all she could do not to take a bite, to just nibble at the end as she pulled it back out of her mouth. If she could just suck all the juice out… Another moan escaped her lips as the deliciously sour juices ran down the back of her throat.

Thane Krios wanted to moan. He could not remember any woman ever making the kinds of noises coming from his Commander’s mouth, and he was sure he’d remember, he remembered everything. 

\-------------------------------------------

“Come on!” she’d said hours earlier. “Look, you just can’t sit here in Life Support and meditate while everyone else is on short leave. We need to celebrate, Thane. You need to celebrate. Kolyat is fine now and Sergeant Bailey is going to let him work for C-Sec. Besides,” she continued, smiling, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the door, “you owe me.”

“Garrus, Kelly, and Tali are meeting us at Flux. It’ll be fun. And I think we could all use a little fun right now,” she finished, her mouth smiling, but he could see the sadness in her eyes. 

So, he’d let her pull him out of Life Support, off the ship, and into Flux. The whole way she didn’t let go of his hand, either. He wasn’t sure why. Did she expect him to try and escape? 

Of course he didn’t mind holding hands with Shepard. He’d come to really like her, respect her… maybe care for her. He didn’t harbor any illusions that she’d return his feelings, though. She was a human and he didn’t see anywhere any relation between them could go. Of course that was just as well, too. He was dying and that would just lead to too many complications he didn’t need right now.

They met the other three crew members at the club called Flux. Drinks had flowed and he’d had his share of them. Somehow or another he found himself on the dance floor with Shepard, bumping and grinding to some popular space beat. He’d worn his usual light leather clothes, pants and jacket, but Shepard… somewhere she’d found a little, tiny, black dress and matching high heals that made her legs look ten miles long. She looked amazing to begin with, but in the short black dress she looked like his favorite fantasy, or maybe his worst nightmare since there was no way he could ever have that fantasy come to life. Just thinking about that made the fit of his pants uncomfortable. Of course that didn’t keep him from grinding him crotch into her ass as they danced. 

When that number was over and another slower song had begun, she’d just naturally flowed into his arms and they’d spent several minutes just holding each other close, moving to the beat of the music, her head resting on his shoulder, her soft breath against the sensitive frills of his neck… His cock jerked in response and he knew she had to feel it pressing against her belly. He fully expected her to shove him away, but when she just sighed his name and nuzzled his neck… Oh hell.

Misty knew she was beyond the valley of shit-faced-drunk. Every time the waitress had come by she’d ordered a round. Vodka, tequila, rum, it was all good. It was even better with her friends here, especially Thane. 

Hell, she’d spent so much time in Life Support lately talking to him she felt she practically lived there. And his voice, soooo…. throaty, dark, sexxxxy… Oh hell, did she just think sexy?

You’re in deep do do, she said to herself. Yes, she thought the Drell was one of the sexiest men she’d ever known, but more than that, she’d actually begun to… care? for Thane. She looked forward to their talks and liked spending time with him. But she never expected it to turn into anything else. There were from two different species for hells sake. And what if he didn’t like human’s ‘that way’? But a girl could dream, fantasize, maybe cop a little feel here and there….

And here they were on the dance floor and she had her head on his shoulder and his arms around her. Hell, who was she trying to kid? She was crazy, head over heals in love with him. In his arms she felt safe for the first time in, well since she’d awoken on that Cerberus facility. Heaven…. This was absolute heaven. And could that be a boner she felt pressing against her belly? Why, yes it was! Thane was turned on and... and… and they were both bat-shit drunk and she didn’t have any business taking advantage of her friend in this condition. And so she drug him off the dance floor claiming they had to find the rest of their group.

An hour and three drinks later, they had lost Garrus, Kelly, and Tali. The bar was closing and somehow they wound up in some back alley all-night place ordering hamburgers and french fries. 

The plates had come with everything, including a huge, honest-to-God dill pickle spear. She hadn’t had one in years, not since her last visit to Earth. Her mouth began to water just thinking of the crunchy goodness awaiting her taste buds. Ignoring the stares of the people around them, she proceeded to enjoy her pickle, first putting the whole thing in her mouth and pulling it back out, sucking all the juice she could from it before nibbling just the smallest bite from the end. Her tongue peeked out and swept the remaining juice from her lips, lips that couldn’t contain a moan of pure pleasure. Over and over she slurped and nibbled the pickle until it was all gone and…

“Are you going to eat that?” she asked, looking longingly over at Thane’s plate.

 

His drunken brain considered just laying her back on the seat and taking her right there. The moans, groans, slurps, and satisfied sighs were enough to drive even the most stoic man to distraction. Commander Misty Shepard was driving him crazy, literally. He had never in his whole life wanted someone the way he wanted her. Not even his Irika. During his battlesleep, his body had satisfied its fleshly desires, woman always willing where ever he went. But now, totally awake, he only wanted her, only desired her, this crazy human woman who was driving him out of his fucking mind!

Thane considered the long spear of green on his plate and then glanced at Shepard seated next to him. Crowded into a small booth in the back corner of some dark, all-night club on the Citadel he didn’t even know the name of, Shepard had slid closer to him on the single padded seat, pressing up against his arm as she gazed longingly at the “pickle”. 

“It was my intentions to sample everything on my plate Siha, as I have not experienced this particular kind of earth cuisine before,” the Drell replied in what he hoped was a controlled tone of voice, trying unsuccessfully to calm his body’s raging needs, already way too interested in the way the Commander’s body pressed against his. 

“I’ll trade you my french fries,” she said, already reaching for the crunchy green prize. She squealed when he snatched it from the plate before she could get it. Holding the prize above his head, he let a small smile ghost on his lips when she quickly raised her arm to try and take it away from him. The move just pressed her breasts closer against him.

Human breasts were amazing things. Soft, rounded, squishy… Drell women didn’t have them, and he’d never known he liked them, wanted them, until Shepard…

Thane knew he’d had too much to drink and that sitting this close with the woman he’d come to care way too much for was probably not a good idea. He also knew that at this moment in time he didn’t much give a damn if it was a good idea or not. Not twenty-four hours ago she’d helped him find his son, helped him stop the kid from making the biggest mistake in his life. He owed her more than he could ever repay, but he wanted more than he could ever justify. 

Misty Shepard giggled. Oh shit, she was totally hammered. She never giggled. Commander Shepard, the Butcher of Torfan never giggled. She killed people and geth, blew up things, and… and… where was she going with that thought? Oh yea, she wanted that pickle and she was going to have that pickle, even if she had to climb up Thane to get it. 

Climbing up Thane… oh that almost sounded like better than getting another pickle. Oh yea, climbing up Thane, climbing on Thane… She giggled again as she twisted on the seat and lunged upward only to be denied her treat as he quickly moved his hand out of her reach. 

Plopping back down in her seat, she pouted, her bottom lip sticking out as she thought of another way to get her pickle. With her head slightly down, she looked up at him through sooty lashes, a gleam in her eyes as she thought of another way to achieve her goal. Maybe a switch in tactics was needed. The all out assault wasn’t working, so maybe a sneak attack was needed. 

“How do you even know you’ll like it?” she asked, all innocence when he continued to hold it above his head. 

“I don’t Siha, but unless I am afforded the chance to at least sample it, how will I ever know what it taste like, much less whether I like it or not?” What was she up to now, he wondered. The look in her eyes was far too calculating, like she’d just discovered some secret, and was about to conquer the world, or at least his pickle. Of course his eyes strayed to that plump bottom lip, his own tongue darting out to moisten his own. What would she taste like? Oh shit, bad, bad alcohol induced insanity…

 

Don’t even think about it Misty Corinn Shepard. This has disaster written all over…. Shut up brain, she said to herself. This was just too good to pass up. Crooking her finger in a classic “come closer” gesture, like she was going to tell him a great secret, she leaned forward and… “They taste like this,” she said, right before pressing her lips against his, using the element of surprise to slip her tongue inside his mouth and find his to play with.

Oh Gods, she tasted like…like heaven. His tongue danced briefly with hers before she pulled away and looked up at him with eyes full of surprise.

“Oh Thane, I’m sorry. I… I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t mean to..”

This time he was the one to take advantage of her shock. Putting the pickle down, he cupped her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers, little kisses to begin with, his tongue sweeping across her lips, deepening when she opened her mouth to him. Her hand moved up to cup his cheek, her fingers playing with the delicate ribbons of flesh there, causing him to moan into her mouth.

Thane knew he’d finally lost his grip on reality, and it wasn’t just because of the excessive amount of alcohol he’d put away tonight. Shepard tasted like… like everything he’d ever wanted. When she leaned into the kiss and moaned, he knew there was no way he could fight against the attraction. Pulling back, slowly, and oh, her lips followed his, he gazed down into her storm colored eyes and said, “What are we doing Shepard?”

Misty felt herself drowning in his eyes. Uncertainty, wariness, she could tell he was as confused about their relationship as she was. Confusion or no, there was no turning back now, at least for her. 

The waiter came by to ask if they needed their drinks refilled. “No,” she’d replied, adding “but can we get this to go?” There were too many people around. Too much noise, too much… confusion… about everything. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere quieter where we can eat and talk? Just you and me?” she asked when the waiter had left with their food.

“I would… Yes, I would like that, Siha,” Thane’s throaty growl skittered up her spine and twined around her heart as his hand traced up her arm to cup the back of her head. He pulled her to him, his lips feathering hers, breaths becoming one with each other.

Some place quite turned out to be back at the ship. Most of the crew had taken advantage of the 48 hours of shore leave and were staying on the Citadel. She still had no idea where Garrus, Kelly, or Tali had gone. In the elevator she leaned back against the cool metal, only to be surrounded by warm Drell. Bodies touched, lips tasted, and hands explored. 

In her room she managed to kinda lob their takeout bag in the general direction of her desk as they stumbled past it toward the bed. Food was forgotten and soon clothes were drifting to the floor. Drunken silly giggles and deep throaty growls soon turned into breathless sighs and muffled moans, hitched breaths and strangled screams. 

Afterwards, legs entwined, wrapped in his arms with her head on his shoulder, breathing finally returning to normal, conscious, rational thought all but impossible, Misty Shepard’s slightly warped brain decided now was as good a time as any to ask...

“So… Thane… why isn’t it green?”

“Huh?”

“You know… I was kinda expecting green, like…”

“Like your pickle, Siha?” His chest rumbled with suppressed laughter. His Siha was priceless. Of course, if she did the things to his cock with her mouth she’d done to the pickle…well, minus the nibbling till it was all gone, of course… 

“Well, it might not be green, but it still looks good enough to…” she began, moving to straddle his hips with her legs, slowly inching her way back towards the foot of the bed. Thane held his breath as she stopped with her mouth even with his suddenly, painfully hard, dick. She looked up at him from underneath dark lashes, eyes full of mischief, her long blonde tresses flowing over his thighs and stomach, and finished, “Eat.”

Misty Shepard’s eyes closed, and she moaned in absolute ecstasy. It felt so good sliding between her lips. The taste was amazing and it was all she could do not to take a bite, to just nibble at the end as she pulled it back out of her mouth. If she could just suck all that wonderful Thane juice out… Another moan escaped her lips as his delicious cum exploded down the back of her throat…

Thane Krios did moan… and groan, and yell, and... He remembered the sounds coming from his Siha’s throat, he remembered the feel of her lips and mouth surrounding him, the tiny flicks of her tongue, the feel of sliding into the back of her throat... he remembered everything…. 

 

The next day……

Gardner was so pleased with himself. The stop over on the Citadel and some shore leave had given him the opportunity to do some shopping and get some supplies. Lunch today was a big hit, especially the real, honest to God, dill pickles he’d managed to buy. 

At one of the tables, Kenneth and Gabby sat having their lunch as Shepard, Thane, and Garrus walked by on their way to the elevator. 

“Are you gonna eat that,” Gabby said, pointing to the pickle on Kenneth’s plate.

In the elevator, Garrus just stared perplexedly at his Commander and Thane as they both collapsed on the floor, laughing so hard they both had tears in their eyes.


End file.
